half past happiness, quarter to tommorrow

2001-10-19T13:11:00.000-07:00

sometimes things dont work out the way you want them to. sometimes they do and you just dont realize it. sometimes you just become so desensitized that you have no clue what the fuck is going on and you put a fist through a wall. sometimes you hurt people because you love them. sometimes you just plum change your mind. but you always have to do whats best for yourself. sometimes whats best for yourself is also best for someone else

2001-09-23T21:38:00.000-07:00

Hey chris-toe-fur...i finally got a comp and i can add my own little bits to your page now!!!! Latezzzzzzzzzzz

2001-09-23T21:37:00.000-07:00

We always welcomed those screaming matches, on the doctor's white tile of the store, in the seat of your old grand am, sometimes even submersed in the summer's midnight air. We burned like flames, feeding off the adrenaline pumping in every inch of our body. Your bulging eyes and gritting teeth made me excited, our screams made the crowds nervous, avoiding the stench of each piece of dirty laundry we hung out for view. I don't know when we stopped to breathe, our chests furiously heaving, trying to catch up to all the passion ripped out of them. When i came to understand the passing events, only the word "FUCK!" came to mind as i miltantly repeated it for my own benefit. I could smell the stains of nicotine on my hands from the stale cigarettes I smoked just like a child sucks on lollipops, quickly finishing and asking for another. I always had a problem with sticking to what i said, but you were just to damn stupid to think you would never get caught. "You need to go home" I said as I wiped the sticky sweat off my face and onto the leg of my pants. You didn't say anything, just sent me an ambigious glare that i would later interpret at home as one full of regrets over a foiled plan. We always had a thing for those screamings matches, that subtle drama on a stage of absent eyes, but that night i realized i couldn't stand that "thing" anymore.

2001-09-20T15:13:00.000-07:00

[9/20/2001 3:11:10 PM | j me]
sling your self along umbilical hours
burrow in wombs of contempt
cry infancy in the form of a man
whipe your tears away
with the hem of self indulgence
she knows how to construct
deconstruct minds
an abortion of will escapes through your fingertips
you were never yours-
slung along with maternal standards

2001-09-20T15:11:00.000-07:00

sling your self along umbilical hours
burrow in wombs of contempt
cry infancy in the form of a man
whipe your tears away
with the hem of self indulgence
she knows how to construct
deconstruct minds
an abortion of will escapes through your fingertips
you were never yours-
slung along with maternal standards

2001-08-30T15:05:00.000-07:00

i miss u

2001-08-11T20:24:00.000-07:00

I feel like I don't belong here
but then
I don't feel like I belong anywhere lately
But what is a feeling of belonging, really?

So lucky
So strong
So proud

It's easy to see the bad; ignore the good.
and it seems like the harder I try, the easier I fail.

2001-08-10T20:13:00.001-07:00

if you must at least repsect the tarot for its power as opposed to fearing it.

2001-08-10T20:13:00.000-07:00

so divination is a sin...
and i harbor tools of the devil in my hand.
that's funny, to concern yourself with the trivial:
then vogue is satanic!! along with its monthy horoscope.
but alas, vogue cannot fortell the future,
any future,
at least ones that dont include the diet coke and cigarette/waif in heels/bingers on wheels/shoot me up to look sexy diet.

2001-08-02T17:27:00.000-07:00

'blind faith'
whispering through eyelids
seeing is not believing
believing come easier
knowledege:
truth knows less of power
emfeebled beyond repair
pursuit:
happiness around the bend
just out of reach
well within sight
horizons eclipse
light can't see
the sun is blind to you and me
believe

2001-07-18T10:51:00.000-07:00

rolling green on hilly smooth travelings like up and down when shattered reflections open up the sky swallows the mountains that are lost above the clouds. walk slowly to the other end and notice a shard of picture so absolved. face like faultlines smile like one demension ears deaf because the eyes are blind though open like one seeing the stars for the 1st time crying tears of various emotions lying out to see the land expanse dome afterthought when meteors hit to dusty earth birds fly in unison when trees are dragged away by the breath of gods.

2001-07-18T10:44:00.000-07:00

enveloped into a ball of energy swept thru tunnels of white light and quiet breeze frozen like the spirits floating thru teacup swirling the tip of ones tongue interrupts flow like the back of a mouth rough from a burn scalding and delicate held in the hands of a violent man trying not to break the world when he's so use to destruction close his eyes and the orbs are dark like the seed of a future under water stemming towards bloom and sunshine awakenings.

2001-07-18T10:35:00.000-07:00

i had a favorite lullabye. i have seemed to lost the melody somewhere down the line. i had a favorite pair of socks but they have seemed to wither away.the last time i saw my stuffed bear it's eyes were shattered glass and its hair was worn. now i cant seem to find this bear nor recall the place it last called home.i had a dress of lace and cotton, worn on sundays when i was dragged to the church by the river. if i am not mistaken this dress is torn and thoughts of church are shoved silently away in my grandmothers attic. i had a favorite novella to read about a queen and alice, but somwhere the words set aflame. i had a favorite thought to think but i wished it away a while ago. i've always enjoyed sunny days, then again i still have my favorite umbrella for the rain.

2001-07-18T10:29:00.000-07:00

cause i know the biggest crime is to throw up your hands and say this has nothing to do with me, i just want to live as comfortably as i can. you have to look outside your eyes you have to think outside your brain. you have to walk outside your life, to where the neighborhood changes.you dont have to like me for who i am but we'll see what you're made of by what you think of me. i fight fire with words. words are hotter than flames. words are wetter than water. i got friends all over this country, i got friends in other countries, too. i got friends i havent met yet, i got friends i never knew. so why dont you gimme a call when you decide you're willing to fight for what you think is real, for what you think is right....

ani knows exactly what to sing to me sometimes.

2001-07-17T17:56:00.000-07:00

tonight wasnt a movie made in the eighties
it wasnt a song
or a novel
it was more like a night made blindly
in shear dark
the kind where mishapen figures appear in a midnight tone
and the air surrounding them appears in the color of a vast vacuum
i cant dance to silent screams
nor can i smile in shades of ashen, piceous euphoria
it was definitely not one of those nights.

2001-07-16T19:22:00.000-07:00

i found you

2001-06-25T17:10:00.000-07:00

testing 1... 2..